Movies I'm not excited about seeing
May 23rd 2007 18:34
Category: Thoughts of a TV Blogger
The title of this one pretty much says it all. I realised recently how many movies I am actually dreading the arrival of. I don't know if its a general disintergration of the movie-going populaces brains or the evil, money-grabber dudes at the top searching for more bucks on every franchise.
Okay, that’s a good point, actually. Let's look at all the franchises that have come out in the last decade - and more importantly, the ones that have actually been good all the way through.
Okay, so... The Matrix. That was widely hailed as an awesome movie on its own. Many people, however, said its two sequels sucked about four types of gerbil's butt. I didn't quite agree on that one, since I thought the second and third movies were decent enough. But I do agree with people who say the sequels didn’t have the same effervescent majesty of the first one…. cos lots of people I know use ‘effervescent’.
What, you don’t?
Hmm.. Spiderman. I have mountains of problems with this franchise. Mostly because Spiderman is pretty much my favourite superhero and I really liked the first movie. It was an awesome portrayal of Spidey, the story was well-written and walked that fine line of identifying that it’s a comic and therefore fantasy and so can’t take itself too seriously, but at the same time realising that it can still be touching and thoughtful and intelligent. It also was pretty much the first proper comic book movie of the recent bunch of them and it set a nice standard and showed comics can be done on film.
Then Spidey 2 sucked. It wasn’t complete crap, but… man it was a let down. It had some good scenes, but the schmaltz-factor zoomed up soo far, I kinda felt dirty for liking Spiderman after it. It was weird. I mean, “We’re glad you’re back, Spiderman,” and all that, “Noooooo!” from Doc Ock. I mean, give me a freakin break, alright? I can NOT take a bad guy seriously if he yells like that. Bad guys need self respect too, in my opinion. Green Goblin was a decent bad guy. Plus he was kind of funny, which always helps with bad guy legitimacy.
So that’s a big one for me. I know I’m gonna have to see Spidey 3 eventually, but it soo doesn’t look good. I mean, the fact that there are THREE bad guys is ridiculous on its own, but then they expect to deal with black Spidey AND a bit of Gwen Stacy as well. Myeah… I’m not hopeful. Not looking forward to it.
Pirates of the Caribbean. The first movie was on TV again the other night. And what a top film it is. Its just a fun, clever romp with a rollicking story. A proper adventure fillum. I liked it.
Then Pirates 2 was okay. Didn’t quite capture the clever of one, plus it tried to use a lot of the old jokes over… and over… again. “But… where is the RUM gone?” Then there was ‘bendy Jack’ tied to that pole and doing flips between cliff edges - I didn’t know it was THAT much of a fantasy.
I also thought Pirates 1 was a nice finished story all on its own. I didn’t think a second story could work. Admittedly, the same writers did the second one and the story wasn’t too bad, I just think it suffered from franchise-itis. Plus it left about 40 things hanging to be finished in the next movie.
Which I am not looking forward to. I mean, Keith Richards?
Shrek is next. The first one was written by the Pirates of the Caribbean guys, so, admittedly, it was quite a good film. The second one was void of anything good at all until the final rescue scene which was cool only cos of the song that played over it. But that movie just we-wrote old jokes and came up with very few interesting things. Admittedly, though, Puss n’ Boots was a decent character addition.
Shrek 3, weirdly enough, looks okay to me. I’m actually not NOT looking forward to it. Which translates to a good for those of you playing at home.
On to Fantastic Four, which was a really fun, well-written movie. It wasn’t super-smart or deep, but it did deal with superheroes in a fun and realistic way, which gets points from me.
I saw the trailer for the next one and it does actually look quite cool. It feels like there is actually more story there to be told, which doesn’t happen often with franchises, so, yeah, looking forward to it. Check it out, for sure, I reckon.
Fan Four 2 trailer
Xmen is another one. The first one was pretty good, the second one rocked, which is odd, and the third one sucked to the amount of a hundred and twenty-seven. They should’ve stopped at 2, really. There was no story, and no real need for three. And Brett Ratner is a weird director, too. Cos I like the Rush Hour movies – and actually am looking forward to the 3rd instalment, since 1 and 2 were both pretty fun – but he sucked at Xmen. I guess its just different horse for different courses or something.
Lastly, The Simpsons Movie. What a terrible disappointment the trailer is. I mean, ‘I’ll teach you to laugh at something that’s funny!” God, it’s so juvenile now. Its one thing for me to have to try and ignore the Simpsons since about 2002 when all their jokes turned into randomness or grossness, but to have to go through this movie, which I know I’ll have to watch if only to honour the memory that is golden quality Simpsons, is a horrendous thought, really.
I remember the days of Chief Wiggum’s: “Uh, no, you’ve got the wrong number, this is nine-one…. two.”
And Principal Skinner and Supernintendo Chalmers’:
Chalmers: Skinner, you’re fired.
Skinner: I am not a liar.
Chalmers: No, I said you’re fired.
Skinner: …Oh, that’s….. much worse.
Or the eternal classic between Homer and Lisa:
Lisa: How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?
Homer: Seven?
Lisa: No, dad. It’s a rhetorical question.
Homer: Oooh….. Eight?
Lisa: Dad, do you even know what rhetorical means?
Homer: Do I know what rhetorical means?!
I have this theory about when the show jumped the shark. I discovered a while ago that Brad Bird, the guy behind the Incredibles, was ons of the executive writer dudes on the show for its first eight seasons, but then he left. In my opinion, it was about then that it started to turn south. I’m probably wrong, but I need something to fill the void of crap-Simpsons hopelessness that lies in my heart.
So, yeah, I don’t have high hopes for that one either.
Mmm. So I guess all I can do is hope and pray that at least a few good movies come out of this insistence on making sequels upon sequels of movie franchise material.
I figure I’ll have to pray pretty hard, though.
Okay, that’s a good point, actually. Let's look at all the franchises that have come out in the last decade - and more importantly, the ones that have actually been good all the way through.
Okay, so... The Matrix. That was widely hailed as an awesome movie on its own. Many people, however, said its two sequels sucked about four types of gerbil's butt. I didn't quite agree on that one, since I thought the second and third movies were decent enough. But I do agree with people who say the sequels didn’t have the same effervescent majesty of the first one…. cos lots of people I know use ‘effervescent’.
What, you don’t?
Hmm.. Spiderman. I have mountains of problems with this franchise. Mostly because Spiderman is pretty much my favourite superhero and I really liked the first movie. It was an awesome portrayal of Spidey, the story was well-written and walked that fine line of identifying that it’s a comic and therefore fantasy and so can’t take itself too seriously, but at the same time realising that it can still be touching and thoughtful and intelligent. It also was pretty much the first proper comic book movie of the recent bunch of them and it set a nice standard and showed comics can be done on film.
Then Spidey 2 sucked. It wasn’t complete crap, but… man it was a let down. It had some good scenes, but the schmaltz-factor zoomed up soo far, I kinda felt dirty for liking Spiderman after it. It was weird. I mean, “We’re glad you’re back, Spiderman,” and all that, “Noooooo!” from Doc Ock. I mean, give me a freakin break, alright? I can NOT take a bad guy seriously if he yells like that. Bad guys need self respect too, in my opinion. Green Goblin was a decent bad guy. Plus he was kind of funny, which always helps with bad guy legitimacy.
So that’s a big one for me. I know I’m gonna have to see Spidey 3 eventually, but it soo doesn’t look good. I mean, the fact that there are THREE bad guys is ridiculous on its own, but then they expect to deal with black Spidey AND a bit of Gwen Stacy as well. Myeah… I’m not hopeful. Not looking forward to it.
Pirates of the Caribbean. The first movie was on TV again the other night. And what a top film it is. Its just a fun, clever romp with a rollicking story. A proper adventure fillum. I liked it.
Then Pirates 2 was okay. Didn’t quite capture the clever of one, plus it tried to use a lot of the old jokes over… and over… again. “But… where is the RUM gone?” Then there was ‘bendy Jack’ tied to that pole and doing flips between cliff edges - I didn’t know it was THAT much of a fantasy.
I also thought Pirates 1 was a nice finished story all on its own. I didn’t think a second story could work. Admittedly, the same writers did the second one and the story wasn’t too bad, I just think it suffered from franchise-itis. Plus it left about 40 things hanging to be finished in the next movie.
Which I am not looking forward to. I mean, Keith Richards?
Shrek is next. The first one was written by the Pirates of the Caribbean guys, so, admittedly, it was quite a good film. The second one was void of anything good at all until the final rescue scene which was cool only cos of the song that played over it. But that movie just we-wrote old jokes and came up with very few interesting things. Admittedly, though, Puss n’ Boots was a decent character addition.
Shrek 3, weirdly enough, looks okay to me. I’m actually not NOT looking forward to it. Which translates to a good for those of you playing at home.
On to Fantastic Four, which was a really fun, well-written movie. It wasn’t super-smart or deep, but it did deal with superheroes in a fun and realistic way, which gets points from me.
I saw the trailer for the next one and it does actually look quite cool. It feels like there is actually more story there to be told, which doesn’t happen often with franchises, so, yeah, looking forward to it. Check it out, for sure, I reckon.
Fan Four 2 trailer
Xmen is another one. The first one was pretty good, the second one rocked, which is odd, and the third one sucked to the amount of a hundred and twenty-seven. They should’ve stopped at 2, really. There was no story, and no real need for three. And Brett Ratner is a weird director, too. Cos I like the Rush Hour movies – and actually am looking forward to the 3rd instalment, since 1 and 2 were both pretty fun – but he sucked at Xmen. I guess its just different horse for different courses or something.
Lastly, The Simpsons Movie. What a terrible disappointment the trailer is. I mean, ‘I’ll teach you to laugh at something that’s funny!” God, it’s so juvenile now. Its one thing for me to have to try and ignore the Simpsons since about 2002 when all their jokes turned into randomness or grossness, but to have to go through this movie, which I know I’ll have to watch if only to honour the memory that is golden quality Simpsons, is a horrendous thought, really.
I remember the days of Chief Wiggum’s: “Uh, no, you’ve got the wrong number, this is nine-one…. two.”
And Principal Skinner and Supernintendo Chalmers’:
Chalmers: Skinner, you’re fired.
Skinner: I am not a liar.
Chalmers: No, I said you’re fired.
Skinner: …Oh, that’s….. much worse.
Or the eternal classic between Homer and Lisa:
Lisa: How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?
Homer: Seven?
Lisa: No, dad. It’s a rhetorical question.
Homer: Oooh….. Eight?
Lisa: Dad, do you even know what rhetorical means?
Homer: Do I know what rhetorical means?!
I have this theory about when the show jumped the shark. I discovered a while ago that Brad Bird, the guy behind the Incredibles, was ons of the executive writer dudes on the show for its first eight seasons, but then he left. In my opinion, it was about then that it started to turn south. I’m probably wrong, but I need something to fill the void of crap-Simpsons hopelessness that lies in my heart.
So, yeah, I don’t have high hopes for that one either.
Mmm. So I guess all I can do is hope and pray that at least a few good movies come out of this insistence on making sequels upon sequels of movie franchise material.
I figure I’ll have to pray pretty hard, though.
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Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
A fun read, personally I though the original Matrix was a just a dumbed down version of Dark City, not a bad movie but certainly nothing special except for "bullet Time". Im one of the few who thought the first sequel was better But overall Im not a fan of the series.
Im a huge fan of Pirate movies (Captain Blood, The Crimson pirate), but Pirates of the Caribbean just annoyed me. Lame swashbuckling, dull plotting full of ridiculous conceits and generic visuals. It was so bad IMO it made Cutthroat Island look good. Johnny Depp is teh only reason to wtch it, but even that couldnt get me through the second one.
Im a huge comic nut, thought first Spidey had its faults but still was above average in the genre. The second I enjoyed alot, the action was much more ferocious and the story resonated...havent seen the third.
X Men, the third was an empty vessell, the first two were good but not great,....hate how tame they made Wolverine.
Fantastic 4 is one of the worst comic films Iv ever seen (Along with Daredevil, Electra and Ghost Rider)TV production values, shonky script with no passion and uninspired action.....I love the Surfer too much to subject myself to the sequel.
Good work.
Comment by May Nipps
In Your Head
Nice to have some criticism around
Comment by Christian Barratt
Oh well.
And there's something weird I've noticed about the Matrix movies - all my friends say the first one rocked and the second two sucked. I liked them all - though I suppose I wasn't as invested in the whole mystery of the first one, because I can totally see how that was ruined by all the explanation in the sequels. I liked them, though.
And I get what you say about Dark City, Mr Doe, though that movei was a bit too convoluted for me, and I didn't like the main dude very much. Plus, like you said, Matrix had bullet time, which, of course, everyone can enjoy.
And I think the Fan 4 sequel looks better the more times I watch the trailer. I was never a big fan of the Surfer in the comics. I mean, I get that he was an alien and he had a noble cause, but he was just so unrelatable to me, so disconnected. But I get that that was the whole point of his character, it just didn't grab me, I spose.
And I agree, May, any movie with "Nooooo" in it at any point loses a lot of cred with me. Star Wars 3 included, most definately.
Thanks for commenting, guys.